I must admit, I am clueless when it comes to handling people.

There may be some, especially from my local church, who might contest this statement, but really.. I don't know how to handle people well.  My sisters are kidding me about my tendency to become a bonafied slave-driver, and my goodness, that is far from the style I want to acquire.  You remember the developments at work I was talking about in my previous post?  Included in the new thrusts is to lead people.  I don't have a clue how to go about it well.

I'm thinking of several principles--those that I've heard from my parents (who both lead people at work), those that I've seen from the people I've worked with in the past and those that I'm working with at present, and some I read from books.  There's just a smorgasbord of things on leadership and I am presently overwhelmed.  But one thing is clear: I want to be an effective and good leader.  I want to strike a balance between caring for the people I'm leading while pushing them to excel and reach their highest potential. 

There's this book entitled The Way of the Shepherd* which I started reading.  The authors share some characteristics of a good shepherd that could be used in leading people.  There's a sense of freshness in the way they share these principles.  I thought they are realistic and workable, yes, attainable.  However, I find myself wondering if I can ever be that kind of shepherd mentioned in that book.  I thought that I fall too short of the requirements.  But then again, that's where learning comes in.

This is challenging (ibang level na 'to!).  But I'm really hoping that I'll be able to deliver well in this leadership task.  Otherwise, sayang naman ang opportunity, right? 

I'll end this blog with what Spiderman (or was it his grandmother?) said, "With great power comes great responsibility."   The power is not that great as of now, but the responsibility is!

And I sign off.  Bow.

*The Way of the Shepherd written by Dr. Kevin Leman with William Pentak.  Published and distributed in the Philippines by OMF Literature.

I made the big mistake of placing God in a small box--my small, personal box. 

I realized that lately after pondering on the latest developments in my life.  Because I was so proud (at least within me.  pambihirang pride!) that I know God and how He works, I expected that He would work the same way that He used to with my latest struggle.  I expected that just because I prayed for how I wanted things to turn out, God would be at my beck and call and answer my prayers the way I wanted Him to answer them.  When I didn't get what I wanted, I ranted my heart out and cried foul.  I told Him that maybe these developments weren't from Him because if they were, they would just nicely fall onto their proper places, like before.  "I didn't have to lift my finger then, Lord.  I do not have to now," my proud self argued. 

And so I wrestled and continued with my proud demands.  I realized now that I was the one playing God and I wanted God to play my supposed role--the one following the instructions.  Much worse, I wanted Him to follow my instructions to the dot.  I refused to take heed and listen to Him.

The good thing was when I refused to listen, He used other people to make me listen.  One encounter with a wise ate finally did it.  Yeah, my proud self had made a small box via formulas and patterns and trapped God in between them.  Although I do not dismiss the validity of my pains and burdens, I now admit that I have overused them and refused to see the trace of God's hands.    Being the control-freak that I am, I have limited God's movements with my narrowness and nearsightedness.  I have placed God in a small box.

In a prayer uttered through tears, I finally released God from the small box I made.  He knew I was tired from fighting against a lot of things and I finally understood that He wants to do the fighting for me.  I could be in slumber because He is willing and able to takeover the night shift.  My weary heart accepted His way and His will, even if they are painful at present. 

I'd rather have things this way than placing God in a small box again.

here are a number of "supposed to's":

last tuesday night, my bestfriend and i were supposed to meet for coffee after office hours.  you know coffee is just an excuse for people to talk and catch up on things, right? (well, at least for my circle of friends :D) and yeah, we were planning to catch up on our respective lives and how we are presently handling them.  but she bailed out the morning of tuesday because she had to accompany her sister to an appointment.  we said we'll set another time for 'kapihan.'

last night, some closest friends from the office, arnold and i were scheduled to dine out in celebration of our 2 office pals' birthdays.  as early as monday, we were already pondering on the kinds of food we want to feast on for the celebration--with our budget in serious consideration (since one of the birthday celebrators do not want to pay for the bill! hehe.).  however, mid-day yesterday, this same birthday celebrator called to ask if we could re-schedule the dinner.  he said he had to finish a presentation that he would deliver this morning.  after talking to the other birthday celebrator, the dinner was re-scheduled to thursday next week.

i was supposed to meet a college friend for lunch today.  we saw each other yesterday and we thought it's been a long while since we last talked.  and so the supposed lunch date today.  but an hour and a half before the appointment, he sent me a message informing me that he couldn't meet me because something more pressing came up.  i said, it was okay (and it really was) and we'll just set another time to talk.

tonight, my girl friends from college and i were supposed to have an overnight girl-bonding thing in valenzuela.  this was supposed to be our get-together gimik for the month of march (you see, we made a 'covenant' to see each other every month).  this was also supposed to be our celebration for the 26th birthday of The Empress (she is one of the girl friends =)).  but The Empress had an allery attack early this week (the allergen is still unknown) and was advised to rest for a few days.  and so our plan for an overnight girl-bonding gimik was postponed to a later date.

what could i infer from all of these "supposed to's"?  what do you think?  hmmm...

my inference: that the hours of this week not spent on work and with family are supposed to be spent resting.  *wink*

Saving Grace

Night and day I seek Your face
Long for You in the secret place
All I want in this life
Is to truly know you more...

As the waters cover the sea,
So Your love covers me
Guiding me on,
Roads unkown
I trust in You alone (2x)

CHORUS
My Saving Grace
My endless love
Deeper and deeper I'm falling in love with You
My one desire
My only truth
Deeper and deeper I'm falling in love with you

BRIDGE
And I will rise on wings of eagles
Soaring high above all my fears
I rest in Your open arms of love

As the waters cover the sea
So your love covers me....
covers me...